


Holding Onto You

by Freckles_and_glasses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Idk why i put pansexualism i should have just said Pansexual Remus, James is here, Lily's here, M/M, Mainly M/M, Pansexual Remus, Peter is not really here idk how i forgot him, Soulmate AU, Soulmate Tattoos AU, and such, angsty a bit, but like, pansexualism ig, rejecting soulmate attempts, they end up together in the end dw c: c: c: c:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-01 10:01:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10919541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freckles_and_glasses/pseuds/Freckles_and_glasses
Summary: Remus and Sirius are soulmates. They dated for a while until they were so repelled by themselves, they broke up and couldn't face eachother. Since, Remus and Sirius have tried very, very hard to ignore their soulmate sense, but fate doesn't change her mind.





	1. Not Again

R

 

"Hi I'm Remus. 

I'm 25 years old. 

I like books, and quiet, and warmth. 

I am pansexual and male. 

I recently got my hair- " 

          "Do you have a soulmate already?" 

Remus stared at his date he had met two days ago online. He didn't like the interrupting or the nail biting but he answered: 

"Uh, uh - yeah. I do. But we're not together." 

"But you know who it is..like you've met them?" 

"Yes." 

"Uhh...You seem super Raymus...But I don't think I could date you any longer knowing this..." 

With that, the little woman stood up with a screech of her chair legs on the floor and left the cafe. 

"It's Remus." Remus sighs as he stares at the spot she was. 

Remus watches as the waitress sets down his cup of tea and the woman who just left's coffee. Remus stares blankly at his cup. 

_Sirius_

_Even after all this time_

_When will you leave me alone_

Remus sighs as he takes a sip.


	2. Get Away From My Sole

S

 

"I'm glueing my socks on my feet forever." 

"No," James tsked, "That's not hygienic." 

" _How_ in the _hell_ , does a tattoo get on the bottom of my damned foot - Jame! Explain this!" 

James watched as Sirius hobbled to his bathroom and stuff his right foot into the sink and scrub viciously at it. 

He sighs. 

"S..." James walks over to Sirius before he thinks of cutting off his foot. "Siri."

James puts a hand over Sirius's foot and looks sadly at the reddened skin. The skin that has marked his best friend's body, once again, with **Remus**. 

"I hate this." mumbled Sirius. 

James just stared at Sirius's foot before moving his arms around him. "I know." 


	3. Writings On The Wall

R

 

L: Haven't talked to you in a while 

R: Tell me about it. Feels like forever 

L: Should we hang soon 

R: Sounds about right 

 

Remus put his phone away to stare at the ceiling. It was covered in ugly beige. But just near the corner...

There was a mark...A pencil mark. 

From the previous coating of ceiling. 

From his previous boyfriend who craftily spent hours wobbling in a ladder to draw on every inch of the ceiling. 

From the last time he had laughed and loved and cared in his apartment. 

 

_I should move places._

 

Remus stared at the mark, it used to connect to a larger vine that looked like it sprouted stars. Now it's just a broken vine. Now the stars are all gone. Now it's all faded. 

 

_I'll just buy more paint tomorrow._


	4. Colour Me Surprised

S

 

"Hey Marls," greeted Lily entering the room of the tattoo shop. 

Marlene sat concentrated, staring at her work on Sirius's leg. "Hey Lil."  

Lily looked over Marlene's handy work. "A lion, how original of you Sirius. Not that you have six others or anything." 

Sirius shushes her. 

Lily takes a seat by Sirius's feet and notices clear tape trying to keep his socks attached to his legs. She sighs. 

"Siri, want me to just colour right over the thing or use the letters to make the lion?" 

"Cover it." 


	5. Shh

R

 

J: Lil said we're hanging out tomorrow?

R: shhh waiting for my date 

 

"Hi! Are you Remus?" 

Remus stood up and smiled, "Yes. Nice to meet you." 

 

After half an hour of tea and chatting, they started getting into personal info.

"It's just three cats!" The non-binary laughed. 

Remus grinned, "Three thousand shedding hairs you mean?" 

After another order of tea, the person across Remus asked. 

"Uhh, ha, this is sorta awkward but what's your sexual history like?" 

Remus stared at the table and froze a bit, "Um." 

"Sorry! I know it's personal and all but I was curious." They said with a smile. 

"Uh, it's alright. Wasn't completely pleasant but - " Remus muttered.

"Was it consensual...?" 

"Yes." At the time. For a moment that was gone too quickly. 

"Oh..." the person's eyes shifted. "So you've had sex and all?" 

Remus looked at them in the eyes, "Uh...yes." 

"Oh." 

"Is that a problem?" 

"Uh... maybe." The person admitted. "I'm just, very, ugh. I don't know. I wish I could put it into words." 

Remus let his throat get stuck.

"I'm sorry Remus. You're truly amazing and I hope we can still be friends but I don't think I'm comfortable with that..." 

After a quiet 10 minutes. The person left and Remus was left at a table again.

R: I'm not feeling tomorrow anymore 

J: What? What happened 

L: Is everything okay? 

R: I'm fine 


	6. Another Mans Garbage Is Another's Mans Treasure I Guess

S 

 

"An extra ticket for me?" Sirius gaped happily. 

Lily chuckled, "Oh yeah of course. We almost didn't buy it but...luckily we changed our minds and had room for you in our little lives." 

James stared distantly at the wall. 

"James? Are you excited? Are you excited because you love me so much?" 

James snapped out and looked at Sirius with a loving smile, "of course. Absolute joy." 


	7. How I Wonder What You Are

R 

 

"Why are you full of tattoos, Mister?" A young child asked on the bus. And it was true. Remus was covered very much from head to toe. With very rare blank spaces.

Remus looked over and smiled small, "because I like my pictures better than words." 

"But what about that one?" 

Remus looked down at his hand and in, what, font size 5, said **Sirius** , on a little space on his thumb. 

Apparently having tattooed his whole hand but the side of his thumb wasn't a clear enough sign for the universe. 

"Hm. Fair enough. What do you think I should put there?" 

"A star!" 


	8. Take My Whole Life Too

S

 

"Call me when you get home, I wanna give grocery shopping with you after." Lily says as Sirius goes out for his jog. 

 

Ten minutes later, Sirius has regrets. 

He usually goes through the park and around the community centre, but decided to go around the houses along the river. Then he remembers why he doesn't. 

 

_"You're going to kill us."_

_"Oh relax."_

_"The ice hasn't froze all the way Si - SIRIUS."_

_Sirius laughed as he began stepping onto the ice and looking back with a mischievous grin._

_"Come on Remus, it's fine."_

_Remus stared intensively. "If you fall in..."_

_"If we fall in," Sirius closed his eyes teasingly with a smile, "Relationships consist of a we, darling."_

_He turns and practically hears Remus rolling his eyes. He looks back and sees Remus watching his step carefully._

_He wait for him to come closer and holds out his hand. Remus takes it trustingly._

 

Sirius stares at the jogging path. Not daring to look up at the flowing river. 

He turns around and walks home.


	9. Look How They Shine For You

R

 

"My son!" James exclaimed. 

He approached Remus with a big hug and a clap on the back. 

"Shut up Prongs," laughed Remus. 

"How are you?" 

"I'm good. Just got a new tattoo." Remus lifted his hand to him to show a few blue squiggly lines made to look like waves on his hand. 

James could faintly read a name under the new tattoo. 

"Nice. And I'm still scared of needles." 

 

At Remus's apartment, Remus started cooking and James was looking for the remote for the tv. 

Remus offered that perhaps it was in his bedroom, so James walked over and looked. 

 

By the time Remus said supper was ready, James was rubbing his eyes viciously with the back of his hand and shoving an origami star(with a heart drawn in the middle), who he guessed only one person in their group could have made, back into the bottom of his drawer and grabbed the remote control and ran out of the room. 


	10. Promise Me That You'll Give Faith A Fighting Chance

Third 

 

"Oh..." Sirius paused, "I thought I recognized you for a second." 

Remus broke eye contact and looked to the ground. "No, I didn't know it was you because I never knew you." 

A moment passes before Sirius flips his hair out of his face. 

"I'm gunna go. Meeting someone at that coffee shop down the street." Sirius said running a hand through his hair. (Actually meeting James.) 

Remus looked into Sirius's eyes before looking away. "Me too. At the library." (Actually meeting Lily.) 

"Uh. Have a good day." 

Remus watched as Sirius walked away. 

He let himself watch all of Sirius's features. The way he moved as he left, the way his hair swayed, the way his hips... 

Remus ran a hand through his short hair. 

"You too."


	11. Pro At Imperfections

S

 

"It's a curse!" Sirius cries out dramatically in the coffee shop. 

"It's not a curse, dear." James says drinking a healthy shake. 

"It is." 

"How?" 

"Because I am not allowed to move passed him. Because I am stuck to him. Because everything reminds me of him. Because I am forced to live with the fact I fucked everything up and can never move passed that."

"It wasn't your fault." 

"It's a curse because I don't believe that." 


	12. All Too Well

R 

 

"Fancy anyone lately?" Lily asked.

"Hmm." 

"No?" 

"Of course not." Remus rubbed a hand on his face. "No one wants someone like me, Lil." 

Lily folded her hands silently. "I'm sorry to hear that." 

"I'm about ready to give up." Remus sighed. Lily looked sadly at Remus. 

"Ever...." Lily said out loud.

Remus looked up at her. 

"Err... Nevermind." 

"Lily?" 

"It's nothing. It's rude." 

"Lil." 

"...Ever think of getting back with Sirius?" 

Lily looked up at him while he looked away. 

He stared at the floor for a while. 

"Too many times." 


	13. He Does

S

 

Sirius stayed awake until the sun was set up straight in the sky. 

He didn't want to move. 

He didn't want to do anything. 

 

 

So he didn't. 

 

 

Until he did. 


	14. Kids These Days

R 

 

 _bing_  

 

Remus picks up his phone and looks at his notification. 

Iris00: you look cute wanna chat ? 

What a coincidence, he was going to delete that app today. 

R: sure 

I: I'm iris 

I: first time on the app 

R: Remus 

R: welcome 

I: im 24 and you're 25? 

R: yeah when's your birthday? 

I: Dec 13 

R: sagittarius cool 

R: I'm a pisces 

I: aww are they any compatible? 

R: ... not really [laughing emoji]

I: [laughing + nervous emojis] 

R: it's ok 

R: we seem to be doing doing just fine 

I: agreed 


	15. Oops

S

 

"I need church." Sirius desperately.

"We know that already." Lily said with Sirius on speaker.

"Already tried a confession remember?" James added.

"Oh shush. I'm seri-" 

"Sirius, we know." The other two laughed. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. 

"But actually." Sirius bit his lip. 

"You bit your lip." James said suddenly serious and calm. "Didn't you? You bit your lip, what's wrong?" 

"I..." Sirius reconsidered this. "I started stalking someone." 

"Oooh nooooO" Lily teased, "the first time Sirius stalked someone? Wow." 

"Shuuush." Sirius groaned. 

"Go on." James asked.

"It's uh, bad because it's someone's we both know. And it's someone..." 

James looked over at Lily. 

"Siri." 

"It's someone I've dated." 

"You've only dated one-" 

"Sirius." 

"I know! I know! But I have a plan." 

"No. Sirius-" 

"Sirius Orion Black Potter are you stalking Remus Lupin." 

"...Yes." 


	16. !!

R 

 

R: I met someone cool on an app 

It took a minute for a response, but he got one: 

J: oh yeah 

J: thought you were deleting all that 

R: eh, they messaged right before i was gunna delete 

R: coincidence hey 

J: ehh 

J: are you sure u wanna do this? 

Remus stared at his screen. James was almost always supportive. This was a bit disappointing. 

R: well 

R: I don't know 

R: thought I'd give it a shot but idk 

* * *

 

James was typing when he got another message 

S: you better not be telling him !!! 

S: !!

S: I have a plan remember ! 

* * *

 

J: uh no 

J: it's whatever rem

J: just be careful okay 

R: I will


	17. Careful what you wish for

S

 

He had pretended for weeks...mostly pretended. The basis, was all him. And Remus... Remus had admitted he liked him. Remus liked him again. 

Sirius knew exactly the person Remus wanted and he pretended to be nerdy and silly and heisitant to meet. 

Perhaps it upset him that he knew the things Remus liked wasn't him. But he'd move up to that.

For now, was time to meet Remus face to face.

* * *

 

R

 

After a couple weeks of talking, Remus insisted on meeting. Iris00 had shown heisitation in meeting, he liked that about them. But today was the day. 

I: are you sure 

R: I'm already at the train shush 

 

* * *

 

Third

 

Remus ran. He ran around the block and ran until he found the train again. He bent over, hands on his knees as he panted. 

_Iris00: turn around_

_He turned around and the smile vanished slowly. Confused._

_"Hi."_

Remus shook his head with angry tears in his eyes. 

_"Wha-"_

_"Remus..."_

_"What are you doing here?"_

_"I'm...I'm uh, I'm Iris00."_

_"What?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"What, no."_

_"Rem."_

_"No!"_

Remus ran his hands through his hair as he fell to sit on his butt.

_"Remus."_

_Remus turned to leave._

_"Remus."_

_"No. S-Sirius. No."_

_"I know I'm dogish, but you don't have to talk to me like one."_

_"Stop it." Remus blurted as his vision blurred._

_"You're stressing yourself ou-"_

_"You stress me out!"_

Remus blinked vigourously. His hands felt around for his phone. 

_"Remus, hear me out"._

Remus could barely focus on his phone so he pressed the home button, "c-call Lily." 

"Remus?" 

"L-Lil." 

"God. Remus are you okay? What's wrong?" 

"Lil." 

_"Calm down, Re."_

_"Don't call me that."_  

"Come get, m-me." 

"Where are you?" 

_Remus walked away quickly, leaving Sirius behind, hoping Sirius was left behind._

_"I truly want to try again, please Remus."_

_Remus shut his eyes tight._

_"Remus!"_


	18. It's lonely out in space

Third

 

It's been a couple weeks since James has heard anything from Sirius himself. Whenever he thinks of him or his other best friend, he remembers that day Remus called James's girlfriend stuttering.  

He remembers Lily leaving in a rush, practically leaving behind dust clouds. 

Later, Lily returns in a cold sweat. She drops her bag and collapses on the couch, unknowingly squishing her boyfriend. She turns to him and hugs his stomach tight, "he wouldn't stop shaking." 

He's heard little from Remus too.

He fears the worst. 

 

Peter, their fifth friend, has been a messenger though. And it's just like how it was after Sirius and Remus broke up. Everyone was separate and just _waiting_. Waiting for anything.  

 It turned out that Remus was the first to move a chess piece because about a year after the break up, Remus posted a picture of two cups of tea in a cafe on his snap chat story, captioning, "the beginning of a p good summer" marking the start of his blind dating binge. 

 

James had Peter go over to Sirius's after the break up and now. Both times had been awfully quiet. 

Except, this time Sirius was the first to make a move. 

 

 Peter was sitting outside Sirius's apartment door when he heard something. 

 It was quiet. 

 It was soft. 

 

 It was real. 

 

 

 

It was Sirius giggling.


End file.
